real

you shut you brain and you just carry on. what else are you supposed to do when the world won’t shut up about how you still have 79 pages of psychology to cram into your brain and the dusty keys of the keyboard won’t stop screaming your name? the skies fall onto your soul as soon as you start to feel a tiny thread of happiness make its way onto your soul and a thin stream of supposed sanity tells you how wrong happiness is. choose productivity and misery over happiness always. yay me.
relationships turn into archaic lifeless petals of dead flowers that you stuck into your journal as a reminder of when you were happy. your teachers are happy with you, ofcourse they are. you bow your head down to the monstrosity of the educational institutions and their pockets will continue to be full. your parents pat your head and marvel at the comatose you’ve grown up to be; a spineless, lifeless individual who seeks the rush or productivity over the euphoria produced by friendly encounters or the sense of serenity that takes over the body while taking a lavender scented bubble bath.
even as I write this, my brain doesn’t stop screaming. it’s telling me to stop doing this and study another chapter of economics. it’s telling me to give up the fight for everything I hold close to my heart and just study instead.
the fear of being average grips over my soul and I’m screaming and I’m screaming and that’s the only solution that I see. so I’ll keep screaming until I finally notice my body slowly disintegrating and even then.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Anjali says:

    This is really good

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Addie says:

    I relate SO much to this, I can’t even begin to explain omg. this is accurate, and raw and truthful, im in awe x

    Liked by 1 person

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